Not necessarily in that order…
Photo byJuliette FonUnsplash As I was conducting my Build Your Sexual Confidence class on Monday, I realized that there were a few things that were coming up for people that I definitely saw in the past with my clients and thought it would be useful for some of you out there. There have been previous blogs where I talk about the positive and negative sexual talk and how it can affect your sex life, but sometimes, it’s really hard to identify it yourself. For instance, when I asked the class to name something negative about themselves, that was the easy part. When I asked them to name something positive to that negative trait they had, they always have a hard time. They think, “what could possibly be positive from this negative thing?” The fact is, there’s always a positive to a negative. That’s life and human nature at its best. Often times, I help them out with the first one, but a lot of the times, I ask them to do the work! Although I’m helping you and coaching you with this, ultimately, it’s going to be up to you to think for yourself when I’m not there. Being aware and psychoanalyzing yourself is one of the best things you can do when investing into your progress. With that said, there’s always a positive to that negative, so dig deep and find out what it is! The second thing that happens is the resistance to change. Most of us are settled in who we are and what we know for ourselves; however, some of us don’t. Some of us are always on a journey to figure that out or maybe we got into the sexual game late and we’re starting to play catch up. Either way, there’s real resistance and rebellion when it comes to doing something different for ourselves. Building up your sexual confidence is no different. We all hear about what it takes to make and sustain a habit, and this is the same. Building up sexual confidence takes time, effort, energy, and experience. Now, some of us are more gifted than others where sexual confidence comes easy and mostly natural. And of course, some of us become more sexually confident with age; but again, that’s also time invested in being more aware of yourself. Retraining our brains and re-framing old dialogue takes a considerable amount of effort. We have to be aware of ourselves and others, we have to understand our body and it’s a response to certain emotions, and we have to change the way we think about ourselves by re-anchoring and making different associations in our brains. This is not easy. It takes a monumental effort, but the ending result is always glorious. We have to use that energy and use it well to ensure that we can take on any sexual experience that comes our way. And last, but not least, building up your sexual confidence requires experience. Experiences with different people with different body parts are a great way to find out what pleasure looks like on each individual. Understanding your sexual responses to their sexual responses help you to become a better lover with a physiological dance that cultivates the hormones you need to feel good and feel well. I encourage you to take your chances, and eventually, you’ll get more aware, you’ll understand people more, and your fears will slowly shrink. So the next time you’re not feeling so confident, remind yourself of all the magical and positive things about you and put them on repeat, as you get ramped up for the next leg on your journey. Cheers to your sexual success!
Originally published here