What’s In It For Them? The Joys of Being the Strap-On Giver

marla renee
Jun 16
3 min read

"You don’t need a penis to stroke like a pro. You need rhythm, confidence, and connection.” --Marla Renee Stewart

We talk a lot about the receiver when it comes to strap-on sex—what they want, how to prep, the sensations they’ll experience. But let’s not forget the person doing the stroking! If you’ve ever wondered, “What’s in it for the giver?” the answer is: so damn much.

Whether you’re strapping up for a femme, a masc, a them, or anyone in between, being the giver in strap-on play can unlock new levels of pleasure, power, and erotic expression that don’t require a biological penis to feel real, raw, and hella rewarding.

Let’s get into it.

1. Power, Performance, and Play

Wearing a strap is a whole mood. For many givers, strapping on isn’t just about penetration—it’s about stepping into power. It’s about owning your body, your sex, your control, and your ability to create pleasure. Whether you're channeling daddy dom energy, soft dom seduction, or playful switchiness, the act of putting on a harness can feel like donning a crown.

And let’s be real: there’s something hot about being the one to drive the rhythm, guide the connection, and watch your lover melt beneath you.

2. Pleasure Beyond the Strap

No, you don’t need to feel physical sensation through the dildo to experience sexual pleasure. Why? Because pleasure is a full-body, whole-being experience. When you’re giving, you might feel arousal from:

The sounds and reactions of your partner (Auditory Seduction Style)
Watching your partner’s body move and respond (Visual Seduction Style)
The way your harness rubs against your own erogenous zones (Tactile Seduction Style)
The erotic energy exchange happening between you both (All of the above!)

Plus, some harnesses come equipped with vibrating bullets or are designed to grind against your clit or pubic mound. Bonus: you’re in control of the stroke and the vibe.

3. Seduction Learning Styles© in Action

Let’s take this a step deeper.

If your partner thrives on sound, whisper encouragement or get verbal about what you’re doing to them.

If they’re visual, let them watch you suit up, or angle them to see your stroke game in the mirror.

If they’re tactile, take your time teasing with the dildo first—against their thigh, lips, or between their cheeks—before penetrating.

And don’t forget: you have Seduction Learning Styles© too! Tap into what you need to feel turned on and powerful during the experience. Want your partner to moan your name, beg a little, or look you in the eye? Say that. Don't be afraid to embrace your full sexual expression and self.

4. Confidence is a Practice, Not a Prerequisite

Many people are nervous their strap-on stroke game won’t match up. But guess what? There’s no “right” way to do it—only your way. Your rhythm, your passion, and your willingness to learn and adjust are what make it great.

Practice with pillows. Learn your angles. Check in often. Laugh when it gets awkward. Confidence comes from trying, not from perfection.

Pro Tip: Wear your strap-on when you are going about your day and working around the house. This will help you to feel more comfortable and be more space-conscious about your body and its needs.

5. The Recovery Game

Strap-on sex can be an athletic event. Aftercare is not just for the receiver—it’s for you, too. After all that movement, you might need a:

Hip stretch
Cool compress
Protein snack
Cuddle debrief
Affirmation that you’re a strap-on sex god/dess/deity

Don’t skip your recovery just because you were the one giving. Strap-on sex is shared energy, and both of you deserve the wind-down.

Final Thoughts: Strap Up and Step In

Being the strap-on giver is not about mimicking cishet dynamics. It’s not about pretending. It’s about playing with power, engaging in erotic creativity, and discovering what feels good for you.

Whether you’re topping from the middle, the back, or the side, strap-on play can be deeply affirming and hella hot.

So go ahead—strap up, lube up, and let pleasure flow in every direction.

Cheers to your sexual success!