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What’s Seductive About You?

“Sensuality is not a sexual invitation, it’s a depth invitation.”― Lebo Grand

Photo by As I prep for my seduction workshop on Wednesday, I’ve come to realize that everyone has their depictions of what it means to be seductive, but they never really understand how they can be seductive or if they are really seductive at all. The fact is, everyone has seductive assets about them and ultimately, it’s up to them to use it in the best way possible. Understanding our sexual and seductive assets are a key factor when it comes to seduction. At the beginning of my class, I always ask “What’s the most seductive thing about you?” and most people stop, stare, and some people come right off the bat and say they don’t know (even when they have a lover sitting right next to them). If you don’t know what’s seductive about you, you aren’t working hard enough on yourself. Hopefully, as you’ve aged, you have learned what people find exciting about you and/or how they would like to get to know you better. Here are two patterns that I’ve picked up over the years: 1) Confident folks always name body parts. They’ve used these body parts before to get what they want and they are confident that around the right person, they can use their body to get their potential person to psychologically surrender to them. And usually, they have more than one body part that works, so they tend to work all angles, as needed. Because of their socialization, they’ve learned that body parts are cultural capital and using this capital to their advantage means that they concentrate on visual seduction, which is a pretty hefty part of the population, especially with cis men. When women try to seduce other women with the same tactics, it’s not going to be as easy, because cis women only get aroused depending on the context of the situation (sexual motivation, role expectations and sexual attitudes). These women use their agency to their advantage to get what they want, and most of the time, it works. Also, it’s a bonus if you’re pretty. We have to remember that being pretty is a privilege and we shouldn’t take this lightly. 2) Shy (and possibly insecure or awkward) folks tend to name personality traits. They are usually things like, intelligence, humor, and wit. These are wonderful qualities to have, so a good one liner when first meeting someone can be a huge advantage and put you in good graces for that first impression. The secret here is not really in the intelligence, the humor, and the wit. The secret here is in the delivery. Generally, the delivery of content is the thing that turns people on. Remember, not a lot of people remember the words you say, but they do remember how you said them and how it made you feel, and this is the most appealing of them all. Understanding your tone, inflection, and delivery with your thoughts could get you in…or take you out. That’s why understanding people’s personalities to see what kind of humor they can take are the key to your success because if you say the wrong thing, you could be squeezed out of their mind with swift ease. This is why these folks tend to be “socially awkward” because they misread or didn’t read a personality cue that could have given them the advantage. Heady people tend to be heady and less present. “The key to such power is ambiguity. In a society where the roles everyone plays are obvious, the refusal to conform to any standard will excite interest. Be both masculine and feminine, impudent and charming, subtle and outrageous. Let other people worry about being socially acceptable; those types are a dime a dozen, and you are after a power greater than they can imagine.” ― Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction Now, you could always be a combination of both and use that for an ultimate seduction, but the point is that you must know what your assets are. If you genuinely don’t know what they are, ask for the honest opinions of your past lovers (yes, even the one-nighters if you still have their number), ask friends, and/or ask potential lovers what they see in you and what you did to seduce them. They will remember. They always do. Cheers to your sexual success!

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