Updated: Sep 3
Remember that time when...
Sitting here and thinking about how it’s September 11, 2019, and remembering the tragedy of our country being attacked, the fact that we can remember is also a gift. There are many people of the world who have acquired dementia or Alzheimer’s and are unable to remember, so if you have the ability to remember, don’t treat that lightly.
With that said, with such a gift to be able to remember, I’m sure that you remember some spectacular times that you’ve had sex and it was so impactful that you’ve replayed it in your head over and over again.
Sometimes they are phenomenal experiences, and sometimes they are the worst experiences, but either way, you always learn from such an impactful experience.
When you’ve been in a longtime relationship, a lot of relationship counselors will tell you to remember the first time you met and then your mind transports you back in time and you get all those warm and fuzzy feelings again. However, it’s slightly different when you are with someone sexually for the first time. Maybe the first time was hot, but do you actually remember it? I want to tell you that it’s pretty rare for you to remember it – and that’s mostly because when we are in relationships, they get better over time as your lover gets to know your body better more and more.
As they get to know your body better more and more, that means that you start to meld your sexual chemistry, you start talking about what pleases you most (I hope!), and your partner caters to how you want to be pleased.
These are the moments that help to facilitate memorable sexual experiences.
However, it’s really hard to recreate your favorite sexual experiences because we have to understand that they are in a different time and space, our bodies are different (physically, socially, and psychologically), and our responsibilities are different. But that’s okay.
Remember, we can always create new and fun sexual experiences. Here are 5 ways to do that:
#1 – Know your partner’s schedule and work around them. As much as you need to work around your own schedule, it’s best to know your lover’s schedule and routine. The more that you can help with the ease of their routine, the more time they can have to focus on you.
#2 – Know what kind of Seduction Learning Style© they have. All people get turned on in different kinds of ways, but if you know the ways that they get turned on, you can use it as a sex hack. Take the quiz HERE (bit.ly/VLQuiz1). Once you know how they get turned on, you can be creative of how you approach the situation.
#3 – Get to work. Most of us would love for things to come to us easily, but sometimes, it takes some effort when seducing someone or facilitating a sexual situation. Make sure that you are ready and prepped to go; some folks need showers, massage oil, lube out, safe sex supplies, or anything else that you know would facilitate a memorable experience.
#4 – Do or get a new “something” and let your lover know about it. Whether it’s a new position that you found in the Kama Sutra, a new room in the house, or a new product that you’d like to try, let your partner know about it ahead of time so that they can prep themselves mentally about what’s going to happen. If you have someone who always thinks the worst, the more time you give them to prep about your plans, the better. And remember, make sure that you come up with all the worse case scenarios to ensure a good time (Kids are away, dinner is done, dishes are clean, responsibilities handled, etc.).
#5 – Pay the compliments where the compliments are due. If you found yourself having a really great time, make sure that you say it! Too often, we don’t express our true feelings and that hinders our ability to connect on a deeper psychological level. Right after sex, tell your lover what you liked. Was it their smell? Was it the way they moved their hips? Was it the way they took charge of the situation? Give all the compliments and tell them what you appreciated about your time together.
Helping to create memorable sexual experiences will only be to your advantage because not only does it bring attachment hormones, it can help to facilitate powerful orgasms when you or your lover masturbates and reflects on your time together. It’s a win-win all around.
Cheers to your sexual success!