Outercourse is In: Expanding Pleasure Beyond Penetration

"Sex is a buffet, not a one-course meal. Outercourse lets you taste everything on the table." --Marla Renee Stewart

a person's butt and legs in a bed

Let’s be real—penetration gets way too much of the spotlight when it comes to sex. And while penetrative sex can be delicious, it’s not the only path to pleasure. Whether one (or more) of your holes is out of commission, or you're just craving something different, it’s time to start exploring the wide, juicy world of outercourse.

Outercourse isn’t just a backup plan—it’s a pleasure plan. It’s a powerful, sensual, affirming, and deeply connective way to experience intimacy without penetration. And guess what? It can be just as hot, if not hotter.

💡 So… What Is Outercourse?

Outercourse includes all the sexual activities that happen outside of penetration—think making out, dry humping, full-body massage, mutual masturbation, oral pleasure, sensory play, impact play, strip teases, and more. It’s about intentionally engaging in erotic play that centers sensation, arousal, and connection.

And here’s the kicker: outercourse isn’t just “foreplay.” It is the main course. The whole damn meal.

🛑 When Penetration Isn’t the Move

There are so many reasons folks turn to outercourse:

• You're on your period and not feeling up to internal action

• You’re managing an STI flare-up, yeast infection, or other health concern

• You or your partner experience pain with penetration (dyspareunia, vaginismus, etc.)

• You want to practice non-penetrative intimacy in polyamorous dynamics

• You just want to slow down and savor a different kind of sexy

Whether physical, emotional, or just plain curious—outercourse gives your sex life permission to grow in new, exciting ways.

🧠 Mindful Seduction: Pleasure Starts in the Brain

When you remove the “goal” of penetration, your options open wide. Seduction becomes about presence, play, and creativity. In my Seduction Learning Styles© framework, we understand that everyone experiences pleasure differently:

• Auditory learners get turned on by dirty talk, breathy moans, or a sexy playlist

• Visual learners love strip teases, eye contact, or watching their lover’s pleasure

• Tactile learners crave skin-on-skin contact, temperature play, or textured sensations

Outercourse lets you customize your sexual experience to your body, your desires, and your learning style. It gives you time to slow down, tune in, and tap into what turns you on.

🔄 Positioning for Your Pleasure

Outercourse also allows for more experimentation with body positioning. You can lie side by side, grind against each other while spooning, or use pillows and props to maximize comfort and arousal. Whether you're solo or partnered, learning how to use your body creatively can lead to more fulfilling experiences. It's amazing what you can do with a thigh!

🗣️ Communication is Lubrication

The key to bomb outercourse is communication. Talk with your partner(s) about what feels good, what you’re open to trying, and what’s off the table. Check in before, during, and after—because aftercare is just as important, especially when exploring new kinds of play.

Remember: your pleasure is valid whether there’s penetration or not.

Final Thought: Outercourse is an Act of Sexual Liberation

Outercourse isn’t the lesser cousin of “real sex”—it is real sex. It’s exploratory, affirming, and ripe with possibility. Whether you’re navigating temporary changes in your body or just looking to spice up your routine, outercourse invites you to reimagine pleasure on your own terms.

So let’s stop thinking of sex as one narrow path and start expanding the landscape. Your body deserves that kind of care, creativity, and connection. And most of all liberation.

Cheers to your sexual success!