This past weekend, I went on a working retreat with the Sexual Liberation Collective. We were gathered in the Bay Area to discuss our work, our finances, and future plans. I was particularly frustrated with one of the elements that we were moving slowly on, but I realized something; I realized that I was frustrated because things weren’t going in the way that I think they should go.
This realization helped me to come to grips with the fact that sometimes I can be a brat when I’m not getting what I want and that often times I think that maybe I know the best answer, when, in reality, I don’t know the best answer. Sometimes when we think we know the answer and we don’t become expansive, we can think that this relationship might not be a good fit.
However, if we allow ourselves to expand and think that there might be a possibility that there is an alternative to our best idea ever, we can open ourselves to the realms of possibilities. I also learned that we have to have the ability to shift and grow, even when we think we might know best.
I’ve gone my whole life thinking that I am right- and usually I am. But occasionally, I’m wrong. My colleague and friend, Roan, reminded me that sometimes we have to just give in to having radical acceptance of a situation. Sometimes, you just can’t change things and we have to take life on life’s terms. As a person who feels like she’s in control of most things regarding her life, it’s a hard pill for me to swallow.
However, we can also think about this when it comes to our relationships with our lovers. There might be things about our lovers that we don’t like and often times, we want to change them because it would feel better for us. However, if we think about this notion of radical acceptance, we have to realize that we have to do the same for our partners and lovers. We have to like them throughout all their flaws. We have to accept them for who they are. There’s no point in giving suggestions on improvements in themselves if it something that they can’t and won’t change themselves.
With that said, we have to know that radical acceptance is a hard thing to do. It takes practice. It takes patience. It takes a whole lot of self-awareness and incredible grace for yourself.
But it is possible.
So as much as you’d like to be a brat at the time, it’s best to take a moment, breathe, and center yourself in life, because it’s going to move with or without you.
Be present as it rolls with you.
Cheers to your sexual success!