Start your decade off right…
Disabled and Here photo taken by Chona Kasinger.
As we come to the end of the year, many people are starting to ramp up for a better year and are trying to do what they can in order to better themselves and better their relationships. As a person who helps individual clients, I find it exciting that people want to start their new year refreshed and ready to learn more about themselves, especially as it pertains to sexuality.
Previously, I have written about how to uphold your new sexual resolutions, but this time I want to do things a little differently. Particularly for those folks in a relationship or in multiple romantic relationships, I believe it’s necessary to have some goals for you and your lover(s). Having goals in your relationship helps you to build intimacy and confidence in your relationship. For instance, when a couple decides to make a big decision together (buy a house, make a baby, make a big purchase, get married, etc.), it can bring them closer together because they have to rely on one another and once they accomplish that goal, they feel better about themselves and they have more faith in their partner, which ultimately leads them to solidifying their core relationship foundation.
Once you stop having goals together, sometimes the relationship can become stagnant and plateau and then you might find yourself wondering what it is that you’re missing in the relationship, especially if you are a goal-oriented person. If you aren’t a goal-oriented person, then you may not have to deal with this situation!For those of you who don’t know what kind of goals you need for the new year, I’m going to offer these to you, in hopes that you keep your relationship(s) fun, fresh, and sexy.
Goal #1: Have so many happy days that you don’t know which one is the happiest. When you’re in a relationship, there should be plenty of happy days. If there aren’t many happy days, it’s time to create some. There are plenty of couples who say “our wedding day was the happiest day of my life” or “giving birth was the happiest day of my life.” Although these are wonderful and significant experiences, I want you to have so many happy experiences that it becomes difficult to figure out just which one it is! Goal #2: Problem-solve arguments (or potential arguments) right away. A lot of times, we don’t express ourselves and this can lead to arguments that can be prevented. If you find yourself repeating the same issues in the relationship, it’s a problem because you haven’t done anything in the relationship to resolve it together. If you and your partner(s) are having a hard time problem-solving the situation, it’s best to get a professional involved who is knowledgeable in the subject that needs addressing. It’s also essential that you choose a PROFESSIONAL and not seek the guidance of your friends or family members who shouldn’t be in your personal romantic relationships, unless they can be objective and professionally handle the situation.
Goal #3: Use positive reinforcement to get your point across. When we love someone deeply, we tend to be pretty harsh with our words and not think twice about our words will affect them. Not all of us depend on words of affirmation for love, but if you’d like to get what you want and you know that your lover(s) can give it to you, it’s best to frame it in a way where they will listen to you. For instance, if your lover is hesitant to give you kisses, you can say something like, “I love it when you kiss me on my forehead. It makes me feel adored by you.” Most people love to please, so it shouldn’t be hard for your lover to pay attention and want to please you the way that you’d appreciate.
Goal #4: Always be curious about your lover(s). Although you and your lover(s) have similarities, it’s really the differences that help you to stay intrigued about who they are, why they do what they do, what decisions they make, and how they feel. Discovering new things about your lover(s) can be exciting and asking them questions about their past and what they want for their future can be a great contributor to some really interesting conversation!
Goal #5: Where you go, your lover is there with you.
That’s not in the literal sense, but more of the psychological sense. It’s like when you go on a trip and you see something that your lover likes, so you get it for them. If it’s something you can’t buy or take with you, take a picture and tell them that it reminded you of them. These little things are tools of connection that you can use and you can make this as one of your goals whenever you are out and about without your lover(s).
Goal #6: Always be connected. And I’m not talking about the internet. Similar to goal number 5 and being connected psychologically, it should be a goal to want to be connected in other realms, as well, including physically and/or spiritually. What are you doing to keep connected to your lover(s)? How are you improving those ways each day/week/month/year? How can you be creative with the ways that you are connecting?
Goal #7: Stay sexy…even when you don’t feel like it. We all have those complex days when we’re feeling like blah, but we still want to be sexually active with our lover(s). It’s those times when we’re feeling homely and don’t feel like being sexy, that we actually need to invoke the sexiness in us. So, take off those sweats and get naked for your lover(s). Maybe it’s a sexy dance or giving your lover(s) a massage; either way, it’s a simple moment in time where you have to “yes” when you would normally say “no” to yourself and to your lover(s). Push yourself and benefit from your “yes” moment; besides, pleasure should be a great motivational factor!
Now that you have these, it’s up to you which ones you’d like to incorporate or if you have some relationship goals of your own that you’d like to accomplish in 2020. Either way, know that although this applies to your romantic relationship(s), this can also apply to the other relationships that you care about and that you nurture on consistent basis, just apply them accordingly.
Cheers to your sexual success!
Original post found here