“What have you done for me, lately?” — Janet Jackson
Photo byNappy.cobyDazzle Jam
There’s a running theme in my work over the last month with my clients and I realized that it’s about time that I write about it. A few of my clients have been experiencing the same phenomena with their lovers and it’s not good. Normally, I love talking about positive things about how to please your lover, but sometimes, it’s best for me to come straight out and not sugarcoat something that I see as harmful to one of the people in the relationship.
The fact is, we love to be in love. I’m not going to lie; I love being in love and I love loving someone and giving them all of me. I’ve also experienced some shitty relationships because I gave the person everything and I wasn’t receiving anything in return. You see, I’m a person that dwells on all the positive things about a person and I focus on all of these things before I think of anything negative. By the time I see something negative, it usually takes me at least a year (and more often times 2 or 3 years) of being in a relationship before realizing that I don’t belong in the relationship(s).
The relationships weren’t reciprocal. They weren’t feeding into my seduction learning style© or my love language. They didn’t meet my minimum requirements of my non-negotiables. I wasn’t clear about who I wanted because I wanted to keep the door open for love. It was such a horrible mistake. The love that I had for these individuals impeded my logic and this is a horrible place to be in.
Now, most of the time, I wish I could say to my clients, who are in a relationship or dating someone, that them being together is a horrible mistake. But as a totally objective observer, I don’t know what it’s actually like to be in the relationship; I can only evaluate from what they tell me and the actions (or non-actions) of their lover.
What has been common amongst the relationships is that there’s a huge problem of one person making all the effort to make the relationship work and the other one is receiving all the benefits. This builds resentment and if you find yourself tallying up the “these are all the things I do for you” chart, it might be time to seriously evaluate your relationship.
Here’s a series of questions for you if you are having doubts about your lover and are questioning your relationship(s).
Is my lover supportive of all of me? What does my lover do for me to show me that they care for me? Is my lover transparent and not hiding things from me? Are the efforts that we are giving each other equitable? What are the things that I would like to see improved in the relationship? Would they agree that these are things we need to work on? Is my lover more than willing to give me everything that I request (that’s within reason)?
Now, that you think you might know these answers, it’s now up to you to ask your lover these questions and receive their answers.
However, you must be prepared for the bad news. For instance, if your lover doesn’t want to evaluate why they aren’t making the effort to show you that they care for you or if your lover refuses to be transparent, it might be time to start the mourning process and move on to someone that treasures you and makes you feel like you are a magical human being.
No one deserves less.
Cheers to your sexual success!
Originally published here