It might not be your first thought, but it does have benefits.
That’s right. If you’re thinking about changing things up in your sex life, pregnancy just might be the answer! Most of the time, people think pregnancy can stagnate your sex life, and there’s no doubt that it can, but you can also take advantage of all the glorious things that pregnancy can offer!
Now, if you have or had morning sickness, most likely, you’re not going to feel all that sexual. In fact, your sexual brakes, your Sexual Inhibitor Scale (SIS), most likely declares that vomiting and nausea are not the sexiest of things and will stop you from thinking that sex will help those things. But if you are lucky enough to not have morning sickness or be sickly throughout your pregnancy, there are some benefits to gaining that weight and getting that bigger belly!
Let’s address some common concerns that I hear about in my work:
“Will sex hurt the baby?”
Most of the time when people think about sex and pregnancy, they think that vaginal penetrative sex will somehow affect the outcome of the baby, especially cisgender men. Luckily, it will not. Even as we get bigger throughout our pregnancy, the baby is above the cervix and whatever object you are using for penetration, will not go beyond the cervix, so your lover can thrust away!
You also might know that sex with yourself has great benefits for individuals, but for those of us who are pregnant, there are some added benefits:
· Increased blood flow to you and the baby,
· Orgasm might become easier because of body and genital sensitivity, and
· Those happy hormones (dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins) get passed on to your baby, which may lead to a healthier and happier baby.
Some of us experience getting wetter, so if you had that WAP before pregnancy, enjoy your WAP times 100 during pregnancy! Lube has nothing on you!
“I don’t feel sexy.”
This is a difficult one because our body is changing and it is doing things that it might not have done before, so the adjustment is real. Some of us are really challenged by our bodies changing and some of us fall in love with our bellies and the science and/or miracle happening inside of us. The fact of the matter is, the better we feel about our bodies, the better we can embrace our sex lives. There are two things that can help you with this:
1. Repeat positive affirmations about your body at least twice a day out loud. Repeating things such as “My new body is sexy as fuck,” or “I have a beautiful and radiant aura, and everyone can feel my magical glow,” are great to get in your head. Changing the way you think about yourself is huge if you have negative thoughts because you want to be able to pass your positive thinking to your child. Remember, positive reinforcement is the better way when parenting, so it’s a great way to ensure that you start off well! If you have a lover, have them also participate by re-emphasizing those positive affirmations. You can also enhance this experience by purchasing some beautiful maternity lingerie and having a lover or professional photographer take some pictures!
2. Just do it and say “yes” to sex. Behavior is a stronger predictor than feelings. Sometimes, we have to say “fuck our feelings” and do the behavior. For example, smile for one minute straight. It will be hard for you to stop smiling and smiling naturally boosts our mood. So maybe it starts with you initiating sex and telling your lover what you want and how you want to feel. Have a plan and make sure that you carve out some quality time for you and your lover to explore your body and map out your pleasure zones, especially since they may have changed since and throughout your pregnancy.
“How do my lover and I have sex?”
The simple answer to this is “any way you can!” As long as you are comfortable, you can feel free to explore all the positions you like! Most pregnant people prefer to be on their side, on their hands and knees, or riding on top, but if you can be creative with your positioning that’s going to be even better! Remember, variety and unpredictability make you a more attractive lover, so practice your stretching (spread those legs, baby!), keep your heart in good condition by exercising, and if you’re not a generally anxious person, practice your pelvic floor exercises to get the most out of your sex life.
If you are experiencing unusual pain or bleeding during sex, it is definitely time to stop and call your doctor, immediately.
You can even have sex all the way through the third trimester and some folks swear by having penetrative sex to induce childbirth.
Once childbirth happens, you have to let your body rest before you can start enjoying sex again. Remember, your body has just gone through a significant experience and needs time to readjust to your new body. Whether it’s through healing through surgical procedures or natural ones, self-care and rest are the most important, next to bonding with your child.
Since your hormones are trying to get back on track, some folks may experience sadness. Your dried placenta turned into pills can offer significant improvement in mood and energy and once you heal up, can get you ready to get back to being a sexual being again! If the pregnancy and after childbirth put your arousal on pause, it’s important to tap into your lover’s Seduction Learning Style©. Being able to give your lover what they need can help facilitate the connection between you two to get you back on track to prioritizing your sex life. Remember, long-lasting sexual and romantic relationships are sustained through faithfulness and prioritizing sex, so the more you do this, the better off you’ll be.
If you’re finding it difficult to try to find something new, I suggest thinking about various erotic activities that you normally didn’t think about in the past. For instance, maybe you want to try some kink/BDSM or video recording one of your sexual experiences together. It’s important to have these conversations ahead of time and it’s also important to not have them in the bedroom. Communicating about your sexual needs and desires can be sexy AF and can really foster some incredible sexual tension that spur some incredible ideas between you and your lover(s).
Despite all the changes happening in your body, there are plenty of ways to reinvigorate your sex life and look forward to these new experiences. Continue to be curious about your body and its capabilities and it will show up for you in ways that you will never forget and pass on to other people who experience being pregnant. Sharing your story is important, but making sure that folks have a variety of experiences to hear from is also helpful on this journey, as there is no one way of experiencing pregnancy.
Cheers to your sexual and pregnancy success! Xo, marla
Originally written for @thehazedmama on Instagram.