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5 Keys to Mastering Your Sexual Happiness

It’s the journey that counts.

The theme for this week has been all about happiness, whether you are inside or outside of the bedroom. Most people want to know how to spice up their sex life, but they are always usually focused on one aspect of it improving, instead of looking at it in a wholistic-type of way. We have to think about all the things that make sex not only satisfying, but fruitful and full of joy. Besides, studies show that sexual activity has a strong correlation to happiness, so the better equipped you are to having a good time doing various sexual activity, the happier you just might be! Here are some keys to mastering sexual happiness in your relationship: 1) Unlearn those role expectations. As we grow up, we’re socialized through our families, friends, and our school systems about how we should act when it comes to sexual activity. We are given sexual scripts that we are told we should follow in order to have the best sexual (or non-sexual) experiences possible. These expectations essentially become cages and boxes that we try to keep ourselves in because that’s what we’ve been told instead of actually leaning into what our spirit feels would be best for our bodies and minds. Once we become authentic with ourselves and let go of the assumptions and/or expectations of other people, it frees us in ways that help us grow and evolve into the people we want to be. 2) Find out what your lover(s) enjoy and make it happen. Although I’ve said this time and time again, it’s best to know what your lover(s) love and what turns them on. If they don’t know what it is, then they need to figure it out and you can easily help them by asking your lover(s) about various sexual activity; usually starting with the ones you like can be a bit easier to navigate. If that still is a challenge, ask them what makes them happy. Is it their favorite food, their favorite hobby, or their something else? Most of us have things that we love to do and even things that we haven’t done yet are yet to be discovered about how much we love to do them. In this world, where we can do anything from bowling to ax throwing to cosplay to fetish clubs, there’s an endless amount of ideas that have the potential to make you happy. Once you engage in activities that make you happy, especially with a lover, it tends to draw you closer together. The closer and more intimate you are, your chances of sexual activity increase. 3) Be open to other people in your sexual relationship. A recent book came out that reported research about people’s fantasies, and increasingly, couples are naming adding another person into their sexual relationship as a way to spice up their sex life. This is definitely a way to add a person into your relationship, but if that’s not your thing, you can add other people in your sexual relationship in a different way. Whether that’s venturing to a sex club and being a voyeur to titillate your senses or hiring a sex therapist or a bodyworker to heal or teach you more about hot spots on your bodies, having someone on the outside of your relationship can be advantageous because they offer you an objective experience that helps to give you a more worldly view of your sexuality. 4) Know your genitals! It probably goes without saying that once you know how to touch yourself and you understand how your body works, you can facilitate orgasms to the best of your ability. Masturbation is one way that you get to know your genitals, which most people lean into the most. However, you can get to know your genitals by looking at them in the mirror, as well. What makes you happy about your genitals? Do you like the way your genitals smell? Taste? Feel? Do you know all the noises your genitals make? Do you know what your genitals are capable of? What makes you proud about your genitals? Answering these questions will help you find the positive aspects of your genitals and what makes them so spectacular. There’s always room to be thankful about your genitals, so figure out why your genitals are great and how someone else could experience the greatness of your genitals. 5) Say “yes” when you want to say “no.” As humans, we use the path of least resistance (which is why I teach seduction). This is also applicable when it comes to our sexuality, as well. When forming habits, we have to make things as easy as possible so that we can make our lives the way that we want them. It’s easy to say “no” when you’re feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed. It’s easy to make excuses because words and body language are easy things to do. If you find that your lover is saying “no” to you, what are the ways that you can help their life to help them achieve happiness? Is it making dinner? Handling the kids? Chores? Getting them on the path of least resistance is a surefire way to help your lover say “yes” to you. Mastering your sexual happiness is a thing that takes time. Understand that you cannot do all these things all at once expecting quick results. It is the seeds we plant that help us enjoy the fruit of our labor, so it’s vital that we understand that in our fast-paced world. You must also understand that this journey is constant and with each new lover (or with your consistent lover who has a journey of their own with their own needs ever-growing and shifting which can feel like a new lover), you have a new journey where you can experience a new adventure together. Cheers to your sexual success!

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