Recently, I had a friend who was telling me about her recent sexual experience. My friend who is in (in my opinion) pretty good sexual shape, has had a multitude of partners who have been giving her some good exercise. However, when she started engaging with this new woman, there was something that threw her off. She couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but later on, it was revealed that the woman hadn’t had sex in a long time. To my friend, the sex felt a little disconnected and almost as if the woman she was with had never had sex before. But that wasn’t the case. Turns out, she was just out of practice.
If you ever find yourself out of sexual practice and you want to get back into practice, here are a few things that you can do to prepare yourself just when you are about to take that plunge and get frisky with a lover!
1) Prepare yourself! This means, you need to take the proper safe sex precautions, as well as have the necessary conversations around abilities, bodies and consent before you actually have sex. This means sending some sexy text messages about what you would like to do to that person to see if it’s okay and/or letting them know what you like and don’t like when it comes to sex.
2) Ground yourself in your sexual confidence. A lot of the time when we’re out of practice, we lose our sexual confidence and self-esteem. When you ground yourself in your sexual confidence, this means that you take the opportunity to sit with yourself and think of a time that you were sexually confident and felt orgasmic and seductive. You take some deep breaths in and imagine yourself in those sexual moments. Remembering these times will take you back to an emotional place that is necessary for you to jumpstart your libido and your confidence!
3) Avoid dialogue that is self-pitying. Phrases such as “I haven’t had sex in awhile,” “I don’t remember exactly how to do this,” or “I feel like an amateur compared to you,” will be phrases that might set you up for a one-time only experience. Self-pitying is extremely anti-seductive and might have your partner feeling doubtful about how sex will be in the future if you are to continue with them. When in doubt on what to say, always throw in some dirty talk. Dirty talk helps to deflect your thoughts that creep into your mind when you’re feeling a little self-doubt and might help your partner get into a sexier mood. Remember, always have dirty talk phrases stashed away in your mind prepared for use.
4) Enjoy yourself! A lot of times when we’re engaging in sex or haven’t had an orgasm with someone else in awhile, we tend to want something so badly that we forget to have fun while we’re in the moment. Although it’s nice to have an orgasm on the first go-round, we have to remember that it’s not necessary if you think your lover has the potential to be a continuous lover and learn your body. Quality is better than quantity anytime (but it’s nice to have both ;)).
Just because you’re out of practice doesn’t mean that you can’t get back into the swing of things. Remember, having sex is just like riding a bike. Once you learn, it’s always there. Yeah, you might be a little hesitant when you get back on, but as you ride, it gets easier and easier. And as you get better and better bikes, you learn how to navigate them with grace and care…
Cheers to your sexual success!