One simple question that you need answered for a healthy, sexual, long-term relationship
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Per my usual blog seeking opportunities when I want to write about something, I was watching a TED Talk about relationships and Emily Nagoski was talking about two things that keep long-term relationships that sustain a strong sexual connection. The first thing is STRONG TRUST. This is the overall gist of how you should be there for your partner and your partner should be there for you. This is the act of being the best of friends and having them be a “ride or die” partner for you. It’s about the faithfulness of being in a relationship (whether it’s open or not) and the ability to depend on each other as interdependent beings. The second thing that is needed for a strong sexual connection in a long-term relationship is PRIORITIZING SEX. Although our desire can go through ups and downs, those couples who prioritize sex are the ones that decide for themselves that sex matters in their relationship and that they should respond accordingly. However, there are a multitudes of things that can get in the way that can get folks from prioritizing sex, which essentially goes back to the first point. If you find yourself wanting to have a better sex life, but something is stopping you, it’s probably a multitude of things that are keeping you apart from your relationship along with being honest and truthful. The ability to be transparent is not only vulnerable, but allows your lover to address whatever it is that is bothering you. If they don’t want to address it or say “it’s your problem, so you should fix it,” that shows you that they don’t have your back, which is essentially the lack of loyalty. The simple question of “Are you there for me?” is an easy question to ask yourself or your lover(s). If someone doesn’t understand whatever problem you have is also a problem they have, particularly with married/committed couples, you need to take a look at your self-worth/insecurities and figure out why you are subjecting yourself to someone who doesn’t have your back. If you are the person who says “it’s your problem, you should fix it,” you need to ask yourself why you don’t have your partner’s back and why you aren’t loyal to them. What is the reason that you don’t trust the relationship? This is the time to do some real soul-searching and figure out why you are being in a relationship with someone who you don’t trust. Now, if you’re in either of these positions and feeling like “I don’t want to let go of this relationship because…”, understand that you are now sacrificing that piece/peace of you to be in the relationship. Most of the time it’s the emotionality that has you staying, while the logic piece gets buried and this is where the problem lies. We need both emotion and logic to have a successful, strong, and healthy relationship. I have been on both sides of this coin and I just have to say that while it took me a long time to figure out the things that I was sacrificing just to be in a relationship, at least at one point or another I made the decision that those folks were not for me. And I knew they weren’t for me, but I was afraid to let go. So if you’re finding yourself in this predicament, this is your opportunity to evaluate yourself and let that lover go. Time is precious and you deserve to know yourself better and be treated better and with respect. Cheers to your sexual success!
Original post found here