This week, I was hanging out with some close friends of mine and they were discussing a person who had sexuality issues. Not just issues, like, they’re an incompatible lover (with a lot of people), but overall how they were trying to vie for someone’s attention in an unhealthy and overbearing matter. You know, things like, pretending to be interested in things that the other person is interested in when they don’t have a clue or taking classes that they think will help them to be a more interesting person.
Most people in this world just want to belong in one way or another and some people try so hard that they don’t even know what they like for themselves. When you ask someone what they desire for themselves, it’s interesting to see their blank face (if they have one). Some of us have been so conditioned to please others that we haven’t even taken the time to see what we desire for ourselves. Especially when it comes to sexuality, people shy away from knowing what makes them really aroused. Sexual desire is something that is so present, yet some folks want to repress that energy. They’d rather get distracted by something else than face their own horniness.
With that said, here’s 3 ways to invoke your own sexual desire:
1) Go out and explore the world and see whom/what you’re attracted to. This requires you moving out and about in the world and doing what you love to do, as far as hobbies and other non-sexual likes. It might even include watching various aspects of porn and seeing whom/what turns you on.
2) Evaluate your desire and see where it has manifested in your life. Most desires you have can be “rooted” somewhere. The kinds of questions you need to ask for yourself are “Where did this desire come from? How does this desire make me feel? Do I feel like this desire can empower my sexuality? Why or why not?” Thinking about these questions will really help you see why you have other emotional reactions as well and can also help you propel your sense of power.
3) Act on your desire. Provided that your desire isn’t illegal or hurts someone else, acting out your desire could really solidify why you like what you like and if you would like to do it again. I’m a fan of the “3 strikes” rule where I will try anything that I seem to like about 3 times and determine if that particular desire is good for me to act out or if it’s better to keep it as a fantasy. Keeping it as a fantasy has its advantages, especially when you are in need of reaching that orgasm that you want so dearly.
The bottom line is, it’s better to know your own desires, so at least your partner(s) can know what exactly turns you on. For most people, they love to please their partner(s) and to be one step ahead can really provide some of the confidence that you need to foster your ego and solidify your prowess with your partner.