Have you ever been in a situation where you were surprised by something someone said or something someone did? How did it make you feel?
In my line of work, I’m always surprised by something someone said or by something someone did; whether it’s a lover, a client, or a mentor, there’s always a reason to expect the unexpected.
For those of us who love surprises, this can be a joy to experience because it’s a titillating experience when something new jumps up at you. For those of us who don’t like surprises, you might find yourselves being anxious and thinking about everything that you should do next, or you might go into fight, flight, or freeze at that moment.
Although these are two responses when it comes to expecting the unexpected, there is a third response; there’s the ambivalence of whether you know that it turns you on or not. It’s at this moment, you are starting to learn if it’s something you like or not, or possibly could do again.
You see, there’s a difference between liking, wanting, and learning.
Some of us like the expected and the unexpected. Some of us want the expected, but don’t want the unexpected. And some of us are constantly learning about the expected and the unexpected.
So which person are you and at what times are that person?
When it comes to us being sexual beings, which person can you be? How does that contribute to your satisfaction with yourself and with the world around you?
I was particularly driven in this blog by watching a TED talk on genital discordance where your genitals might be excited, but you aren’t mentally excited or vice versa. The speaker, spoke on how we really have to listen to people in order to understand their desires because there can be a disconnect between the body and the brain, or our genitals and our desires. One does not necessarily predict the other, although it can. The key to knowing what your partner wants lies in verbal and non-verbal intuitive cues. Read these carefully. Be respectful. Speak up if you don’t understanding something.
However, the most important thing to know is the kind of person that you are. Know yourself and the kind of person you are is to understand what it means to like, want, or learn the expected/unexpected. And then communicate that to your partner so they know not to fuck up.
Cheers to your sexual success!