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The Perfect Partner

Currently, I’m reading a book about sex research and what scientists have found in recent studies. I have to say, it’s really advantageous to be in school right now and have access to the most current research studies regarding sexuality. Although this book was published in 2009, I’m sure it took a year or two or more to get it published, so I’m always curious to know what the updated statistics are if there are any.

One fact that I learned was that the average amount of people that sleep with before they find the “perfect partner” is 12. Now, if you have less than this or way more than this, it doesn’t matter. 12 just seems to be the average ​number. I guess the number 13 is lucky after all.

I’m curious to know that if you have the ‘perfect partner’ at this ​time in your life and you average how many people they’ve slept with the number that you’ve slept with if the number would be 12. Something tells me, not so much, but I’m not genuinely ​interested in that type of sex research. Although I see it as useful ​in some contexts, some people have lost track on how many people they’ve slept with and that causes skewed biases. Besides, how many people are completely truthful to a random survey ​about their sex lives without having them feel like it’s some sort of attack on their morals or ethics. I’ve found that most people who find that they identify with an “alternative sexuality” are the ones that really talk about their sex lives in more of an explicit and affirming way.

Millennials are now growing up in a ‘hookup culture’ of stigma-free casual sex. The stigma of religion isn’t carrying as much weight as it used to because of the contradicting dynamics of the social culture as time moves forward. Everyone is concerned with their own morality and ethics and sexual energy and individualistic sexuality are recognized as vehicles of self-seeking pleasure with the logical reasoning of sexual health benefits. And besides, how would you know what that “perfect partner” looks like and how would you know that you don’t have several “perfect partners” for you? Love has been romanticized as perfect actions that are constantly occurring, when in reality, there are always ups and downs with the perfect person. The perfect person is not perfect all the time and they’re not perfect for you all the time. Sometimes they suck at being your partner. But if you have an understanding of each other and you know how to communicate effectively, you can get over your partner being not perfect a lot sooner than if you didn’t.

I didn’t find any updated articles about the amount of partners folks have recently, but I hope someone’s doing that study for the near future. Friends with benefits is a pretty hot subject, but the most recent research shows that friends with benefits have less actual benefits than those who are married or in monogamous relationships. I guess that’s another argument for monogamy, but I’m sure I will get to that another day!

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